Modern life offers many pleasant illusions. Here’s one. Say you’re browsing escort advertisements, our websites, or our social media. Perhaps you encounter a sex worker out in the wild – at an elegant bar or other fine establishment, and they signal to you they would like to get to know you better.
Regardless of how you found this beautiful, intriguing escort, they pique your interest; you want to spend more time with them.
Here’s the illusion: You think you chose them, right? But you didn’t.
We choose you.
Let me explain.
Escorts are essentially professional daters. We want our dates to be great. We want the person we are spending time with to be a good fit for us. Not all escorts are alike; we all offer different experiences, different flavors of companionship. Some escorts love fine dining, skiing, members-only clubs; others like burger joints and the gun range. One escort’s idea of a fun date is another escort’s idea of hell.
Escorts are essentially professional daters. We want our dates to be great. We want the person we are spending time with to be a good fit for us.
Water finds its own level. In other words, we look for compatibility. We foster compatibility by presenting ourselves a certain way, but the real test comes when a potential client approaches us. Are they serious about seeing us? Do they project safety? Do they seem to grasp what we are about and what it’s like to date us? Do they follow our directions and meet all of our standards? Do they treat us with respect? That’s all part of screening.
Sex workers’ inboxes are a rogue’s gallery of timewasters, scammers, assholes, weirdos, plain old unpleasant people, those who wish us harm or have bad intentions, those who don’t meet our standards — and some people who do meet our standards, who we would love to meet.
Your job, then, is to prove you meet our standards and are safe to see. Assuming you are safe to see, this is pretty easy, because we literally tell you what we need you to do, and it’s second nature for a reasonable, safe person to treat a potential date courteously and do what we ask to make us comfortable meeting you. To approach us with grace, politeness and aplomb. See how that works?
So that’s screening.
Your job, then, is to prove you meet our standards and are safe to see. Assuming you are safe to see, this is pretty easy.
When you inquire with a provider, your job is to show you are a good date and make it easy to say yes to you. And yes, we do like to learn a little about the person who wishes to see us – who wishes to be alone in a room with us, or to take us to dinner, or to whisk us away to the South of France, or whatever date you are proposing. Why on earth would we feel comfortable dating a ghost? That’s only sexy in the movies.
I take a broad view of screening. In my view, screening never stops; you can screen yourself out of my circle at any time by mistreating me or displaying bad behavior.
We look at all the ways you show up for us.
Do you introduce yourself properly? Do you move with respect and intention? Did you use the contact methods we prefer? Do you respect our time? Do you show you understand what we are about? Are you courteous, fun, well-groomed, prompt, responsible, an effective communicator? Are you pleasant and considerate — not only to us, but to others, such as hotel staff and waitstaff? Do you maintain good behavior? Do you plan great dates for us?
In my view, screening never stops; you can screen yourself out of my circle at any time by mistreating me or displaying bad behavior.
All communications with an escort are auditions of a sort. We (probably) won’t judge your looks or your age, but we do judge how you present yourself and treat us. If you make it difficult to choose you – well, there it is. You’ve screened yourself out.
Providers have varying screening requirements, and as I mentioned before, ‘screening’ encapsulates the totality of how you treat us for as long as we know you.
Some providers will ask for references from other providers you have seen and/or real world information about yourself, such as your full name, real phone number, photo ID, or employment information. Those are the most common. You can argue with a providers’ screening requirements, or withhold what they are asking for, but all it does is make it harder for the provider to say yes to you.
Are we going to blackmail you with your screening information? I can only speak for myself here, but as I’ve been a provider for seven years and no one has even accused me of even trying, I’m batting 100 on that front. I screen so that only safe and courteous people make it into my inner circle. I have zero incentive to do anything besides enjoy the company of my chosen clients, and to nurture those relationships.
You can argue with a providers’ screening requirements, or withhold what they are asking for, but all it does is make it harder for the provider to say yes to you.
Let’s explore the concepts of discretion, privacy, and anonymity.
Discretion has a dual meaning here. First, discretion means we will keep your identity safe and will honor your privacy. A reputable companion has absolutely no incentive to betray your privacy; it would blow up their sterling reputation to do so. Our priority is staying safe and having wonderful dates – protecting our clients’ privacy is integral to that. If you ask us to vouch for you to another companion, then we identify you as our client to a third party; otherwise, we stay mum.
Discretion also means that providers have the freedom to decide who we see, and continue to see. This is the theme of this entire article. Providers have discretion — we choose who we see — so it’s up to you to meet our standards.
Next, let’s unpack the idea of anonymity. Few companions allow potential dates to stay anonymous, because that anonymity can be dangerous. Screening with a companion means that you are no longer anonymous – but your identity will stay private.
Ok, vocabulary lesson over.
A reputable companion has absolutely no incentive to betray your privacy; it would blow up their sterling reputation to do so.
Say you have never stepped among the demimonde before. First of all, welcome to this wonderful world!
I get it, it may feel weird to send your personal info to someone you haven’t met yet. Your first job is to research that someone, and to be confident it’s a reputable provider and that they will handle your information securely and professionally. Be your own best ally here; this is an unregulated market and you must be smart. Browse providers’ ads and websites; stuff your brain with information on what’s normal and not normal in this arena. What’s too good to be true, which providers are well-established, well-respected and have the qualities you are looking for.
It’s your job to absorb the lessons of this article and put yourself in the providers’ shoes. Why would a provider want a totally blind date with a ghost? That’s terrifying, isn’t it? You’re not Jason Bourne. So introduce yourself properly, honestly and with precision. Prove you are a safe person to see.
My best dates are with those who make it fabulously easy to say yes to them. Their good attitude and fun personalities jump out immediately, and they focus on making me comfortable at every moment. They make it easy to choose them.
Make yourself easy to say yes to.
Are you a sex worker or client with tips or experiences to share? We'd love to hear from you!
The Good Client Guide destigmatizes sex work while providing guidance on how to be a better client and ally. Better experiences for workers mean better experiences for clients! To make this happen, we’re welcoming submissions from both providers and their customers.