So, you’re shy or introverted and want to see a sex worker. Here are some tips to guide you on your journey.

I’d like to preface this by saying: I’m just like you! I battled shyness for much of my life, so I understand the struggle. Now, as Shae, I love bringing shy people out of their shells.

Anyway, let’s get started.

Choose honesty

When you book a companion, feel free to say you are shy or nervous! As you send all your booking and screening info to your chosen companion(s), you can include a note that you are shy and nervous, but still excited to meet them.

This is a setting where it’s actually quite common for a client to be shy or nervous, especially at first, and it doesn’t carry much stigma. Us seasoned companions have seen it before (I find it endearing, personally). So come clean upfront, and let those hands shake. It’s ok.

But not all companions are the same, and it’s possible a companion will choose not to see you based on your shyness. Just know it’s not personal and it’s simply your cue to move onto someone else.

Find good vibes, not just good looks

A key part of having a good date is finding the right companion for you. Right now, on Tryst, there is every flavor of provider imaginable. Many of them are, probably, your physical type (Awooga! Heart eyes!).

First, I’ll tell you what not to do. Do not message a bunch of providers and then judge their responses. That’s rude, time-waster behavior. Uncompensated chemistry checks are not part of our job descriptions. Instead, find a provider you really want to see, and approach them according to the guidelines they state.

So how do you choose someone who will give you a great experience?

Gauge personality and vibe. Providers exist in every flavor. Find a provider who seems easy to talk to and skilled in creating a welcoming environment, and whose vibe feels warm, welcoming and able to put you at ease.

Look for common interests. Treat our ads, websites and social media feeds like treasure hunts, and look for things you both like: basketball or Thai food or the latest prestige television show. Having things in common will greatly ease your conversation, even if you have a short date and just chat a bit before you get down to business. Bonus points if you bring them a gift that ties into your shared interests – and gifts are amazing ice-breakers, too.

Is the provider experienced? Generally speaking, an experienced provider will be more comfortable with shy/introverted clients, versus a newer provider who may be building up confidence themselves.

Check out what dates they offer, and especially what dates they seem to like the most. Look at their rate structure, date lengths/types they explicitly recommend, and what sort of dates and settings are displayed in their social media to get a feel for what their sweet spot is. This may be great inspiration for a date, too. Say they love a certain museum or restaurant: boom, date idea. When these align with your own interests and the type of date you want, you’ve got a match.

Choose your adventure

What sort of date do you want, and where?

Generally speaking, dates of up to two hours will be mostly, or entirely, in private, whereas dates of three hours and longer will include public time, and provide much more time and space for you and the escort to get to know each other.

All date lengths have their place: it’s just a question of deciding what experience you really want, whether you want a fast pace or a slower one, what mix of private vs. public time works best for you, and how well you wish to get to know your provider vs. simply having a spicy rendezvous.

If you’re a true introvert and don’t have much of a social battery, it’s also a question of how long your batteries tend to run out. Though I must note: providers tend to have a gift for making the time fly by.

If you find public settings (bars, restaurants, etc.) loud and over-stimulating, and/or if you want total privacy, a more low-key and shorter date – e.g. drinks and private time in the providers’ incall/hotel room – might make you feel the most comfortable. (And if it’s a short date, if it’s terrible, at least it’s over quickly. I kid, I kid.)

Dates an hour or less are truly quick (some may be specifically called “quick visits”). They will probably fly by and don’t leave much time for conversation. So, if you’re really not one for talking and want something quick, find a provider who offers those date types and enjoy them. However, if you take some time to warm up and open up to someone you have just met, a longer date might be just your speed. Some people find it difficult to go from 0 to 100 in less than an hour.

Dates between an hour and two hours will allow some time for conversation and, if it’s two hours, even some low-key, non-erotic (or partially erotic) activities like watching TV together, massaging/cuddling each other, playing cards, enjoying drinks or small bites, and so on. Your time together is yours to spend however you wish. Even shorter dates can contain a lot of conversation; I kick off all dates with at least 15-20 minutes of friendly chitchat.

The advantage of longer dates is they give you time to relax and for your nervous system to calm down and catch up with your physical body.

As time goes on, you will get more comfortable, and also connect with your date, achieving a different kind of intimacy. If it’s a short date, whoops, the date might be over by the time you really settle in (you can always ask to extend a date, but there’s no guarantee the provider can accommodate that request).

Longer dates also provide time to have a proper drink or a meal together – the ultimate ice-breaker, in my book – or to enjoy an engrossing activity together.

What are you into? What’s fun for you? Outside of boudoir activities, I mean. Bonding over shared interests and hobbies is the shortcut to feeling comfortable: I know you so-called shy types, and you love to geek out more than anyone.

Try a social date

Now let’s talk about a third date type: the purely social date. Typically, these take place in public only, and can be as simple as a coffee and a walk, a meal together, or an activity or event.

Some providers explicitly offer social dates. Some providers offer a special rate for purely social dates and others, such as myself, offer them at our normal rate. So if you’re interested in this date type, keep your eyes peeled for providers that offer it; or, if you are interested in a purely social date with your chosen companion, feel free to ask about it.

Social dates can be a great way to build rapport, practice your dating and conversational skills, and ease into what is essentially a new relationship. Social dates can be great as ice-breakers, as well as a way to explore an activity together (want a buddy for skiing, archery, board games or that new museum exhibit? Enter the social date).

And, of course, if you wish, you can then book the same companion for a purely private date, or a public-private date, such as a dinner date that spills over into a private rendezvous.

It really depends on your comfort level and what sounds fun to you.

Mind the alcohol consumption

A quick note about alcohol. As a shy person, alcohol is both friend and foe. Many of my first-time clients — shy boys and all — loosen up with a drink right before they see me. Alcohol, of course, is liquid courage, but know your limits.

Be moderate in your drinking, before the date and during; being drunk makes you a potential danger to us, so it will put your provider on edge or may put an abrupt stop to the date entirely. So have a drink or two, but take it easy. You want to be fully present for the date, right?

Go at your own pace, forgive yourself, and experiment

A few parting thoughts.

Go at your own pace. Do your research and then see what providers and dates you gravitate toward. This may change over time, and as you gain confidence. Maybe you find comfort and ease with a particular provider and stick with them. Maybe you see a few different providers to find one or more who are a good match. Maybe you do only social dates first, or only short dates, or longer ones. Maybe you start with shorter dates, then go for longer ones. Or vice versa. It’s all valid.

Forgive yourself. There will probably be awkward moments. Maybe you will say something stupid or spill your drink because you are nervous. Maybe you will book a date and you and the companion simply don’t click. That’s ok; there are other companions out there that would love to meet you. Forgive yourself and move on.

Experiment! I’ve given you some thoughts, but ultimately it’s up to you, and this milieu is all about trying new things. Try new date types. Try connecting with that provider who shares your love of horror movies or sci-fi or who seems to have a unique perspective you’d like to learn more about.

Above all, have fun and know that with a little research, you will land in very good hands.

Are you a sex worker with tips or experiences to share? We'd love to hear from you!

The Good Client Guide destigmatizes sex work while providing guidance on how to be a better client and ally. Better experiences for workers mean better experiences for clients! To make this happen, we’re welcoming submissions from providers of all backgrounds.

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