Virtual sessions with a professional dominant can take place through various mediums: phone calls, video calls, voice note exchanges, and even the humble texting. These days, the possibilities for digital D/s (Dominant/submissive) play are boundless, so it can be a bit overwhelming when you first enter the world wide web of BDSM, fetishes, and kinks. May your journey into Digital Dom Land be as smooth as possible!
Let’s start with the basics: what do people actually do in an online session with a Pro Dom?
What is an online session?
At its core, a session is a paid digital interaction between a Professional Dom and a client. While every session is different and determined by the needs, desires, and limits of both Dom and client, most sessions revolve around a client’s desire to give up control/power to a dominant in a D/s dynamic and/or the exploration of a specific kink or fetish. These sessions take place online through camming platforms, content subscription services (eg. Loyalfans or Onlyfans), or can be directly arranged via the Dom’s personal website.
Here are a few of the most common activities in online kink sessions: JOI (Jerk Off Instructions), SPH (Small Penis Humiliation), CBT (Cock and Ball Torture), CEI (Cum Eating Instructions) and roleplay scenes, such as Teacher-student scenarios. Most of the time, clients arrange these sessions with the desire to orgasm (or to be denied orgasm) within the context of a D/s dynamic, roleplay scenario, or specific fetishes or kinks.
So how do you prepare for a session?
Get to know yourself
The first step happens offline – getting clear with yourself on your desires and limits. While Professional Dominants tend to be excellent people readers, we still cannot read your mind. To get the most out of a session, it is VERY important to know what you are looking for and to communicate that clearly. So, before you begin your online search for your dream Dom, be sure to do some self-exploration first. Here are a few potentially helpful questions to think about:
- Am I interested in being submissive or am I primarily interested in a particular fetish or both? Knowing the answer to this question will save you a lot of time. If you are interested in submission, ask yourself: what part of being submissive arouses me the most? Is it the desire to give up control? The desire to please and obey a Dom? Or something else?
- It is also good to ask yourself: do I want to have my desires fulfilled or denied by a Dom? Do I want to explore sub space? Do I want to have an orgasm during our session? Am I interested in playing with pain? Getting clear on these questions can help ensure you have a satisfying session.
- If you are interested in a particular fetish, be sure to clearly communicate that fetish. For example, do you need to see feet to cum? Or do you need to see nylons or latex to feel aroused? If this is you, then look for Pro Doms who cater to your fetishes and always communicate your fetish before your session begins.
These are just a few starter questions to help inspire you, but it is perfectly normal to not know exactly what you want in the beginning. The world of kink offers A LOT to explore and Pro Doms are a great source of knowledge and guidance. Just make sure you communicate that you are a beginner, so that the Dom knows to take things slow and be extra careful with your boundaries.
Boundaries
Speaking of boundaries, do you know what your boundaries are? Boundaries define what you want and DO NOT want in a session. For example, if you know that humiliation does not feel good to you, you can include humiliation in your list of boundaries. Offline BDSM communities have normalized the process of negotiating boundaries and consent prior to a session taking place. In the online sphere, however, I see room for improvement in how we discuss boundaries and consent with each other. The heart of BDSM is consent. Consent makes it possible to explore power exchange while minimizing the risk of abuse and harm.
Choose a Pro Dominant carefully
There are a lot of people on the internet asserting themselves as Doms, who do not value or understand consent or the foundational ethics and principles of BDSM communities. Exploring your kinks with a professional can be deeply healing and transformative, but never free from risk. It can be so damaging when boundaries are not properly negotiated and respected. To make sure you find the right Pro Dom for you, check for website/social media presence, read reviews, look for Doms who clearly state their limits and offerings, and exercise your own good judgment. Don’t let your excitement get in the way of a good time.
Come prepared
Okay, so you’ve done your research, found your dream Dom and you will soon have a session! What’s next? It is time to prepare your space and your mind/body for your session. If you plan to use any toys, such as nipple clamps, paddles/canes/whips, butt plugs, dildos, etc, make sure your toys are clean and in reach. And don’t forget lube! Double check your electronics, like your Wi-Fi connection, device batteries, headset/microphone, etc. And turn off distractions, such as phone notifications. Always make sure you have enough money on your account so that you don’t have to pause the thrill of a session to add more funds. Lastly, consider inspiring a submissive headspace before your session by watching some relevant clips or content, practicing slave positions, or doing other D/s rituals like putting a collar or panties on. Following these simple steps can really maximize the potential of a session.
Session Etiquette
Now that you are prepared for your session to begin, here are a few things to keep in mind about session etiquette. Always ask a Dom how they want you to refer to them. Make sure you use that honorific by saying “Yes/No/Thank you, Mistress/Goddex/Sir”, etc. Never start your session with the camera pointed at your genitals, this is disrespectful. If you are on camera, it is best to start your session clothed and with the camera focused on your face unless instructed otherwise by your Dom. Sometimes subs prefer not to be on camera and would rather type or use a microphone only. This can limit the Doms’ ability to use body language, facial expressions, and the sound of your voice to help them guide the scene and enhance your experience, but is not unusual. Lastly, when approaching a Professional Dom and negotiating desires/limits, try to strike a balance between being too vague and too descriptive/demanding. Remember, Pro Doms are not a kink dispensers, they are here to guide you through the transformative potential of BDSM.
Aftercare
Last, but certainly not least, it is time to discuss aftercare. In offline BDSM communities, aftercare is an essential part of doing BDSM safely. It is important to make sure both Doms and subs support each other while leaving a kinky headspace. From my experience, I see most subs end the call shortly after they orgasm, which is acceptable. However, the transition from subspace back to your usual headspace can be challenging. So, if you would like to be emotionally supported while coming out of subspace, you can ask the Dom to stay on the call with you while you return to your usual self. Allow time to decompress by slowly transitioning out of subspace with care.
By following these steps, you will be better prepared to choose the right Professional Dominant for you and to get the most out of your kinky online adventures. Be sure to take care and remember to have fun!
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The Good Client Guide destigmatizes sex work while providing guidance on how to be a better client and ally. Better experiences for workers mean better experiences for clients! To make this happen, we’re welcoming submissions from both providers and their customers.
