Despite this sounding like the inspiration for a not-gonna-age-well movie squashed somewhere in between the release of Porky’s (1981) and Risky Business (1983), I can’t say I’m too surprised by the question of parents hiring sex workers for their adult children.
Hiring sex workers has never been more en vogue, coexisting almost comically – and not coincidentally – with the sobering reality that providers themselves have never been more vulnerable.
There have even been mainstream films released over the past several years depicting the hiring of sex workers, with Emma Thompson’s Good Luck to You, Leo Grande (2022) reigning supreme over Jennifer Lawrence’s No Hard Feelings (2023), if not for any other reason than its willingness to describe the desired arrangement honestly – in No Hard Feelings, Lawrence’s character repeatedly rejects the “sex worker” identification with more than a touch of whorephobia.
In the latter film, Lawrence’s character answers an ad by a couple desperate for someone to socialize their 19-year-old, Percy, to the world of dating – in exchange for a car. Despite seemingly having their son’s best interests at heart, it is my sincere hope that other parents don’t follow suit.
Here’s why –
You probably don’t know your kid as well as you think
What’s your relationship like with your son? How can you be certain that he’s not getting laid, let alone has a deficit of intimate knowledge best met by hiring a professional? Has he expressed explicit interest and sought you out for assistance? Or have you unilaterally decided this would be the best course of action for him moving forward? Regardless of how close the two of you are, going down this road will assuredly make navigating boundaries with your kid a hell of a lot harder moving forward.
Are you sure you aren’t seeking to live vicariously through him?
Perhaps you’ve always fantasized about getting “taught the ropes” by a seasoned beauty, and then bragging to your buddies about it (hey 80s’ films!). It could also be that you desire to hire a sex worker as an adult, yet it would be too high risk for your lifestyle, especially if you work with children or in a government job. You could be projecting your own unobtainable thirst on your son.
Late bloomers typically turn out just fine
Without knowing any further details about your son – such as whether he’s living with a disability vs is simply frustrated about starting college before losing his virginity – know that not everyone has to get frisky before an arbitrary age, date, or life milestone, or even at all. Sexual latency could be the result of trauma, lack of education or exposure, body/gender/sexual orientation dysphoria, or a million other things. The last thing you want to do is belabor a false narrative that one’s personal worth – or worse, one’s worth as a man – is defined by perceived sexual prowess.
You should never hire a sex worker as a “surprise”
Whether you’re surprising your partner, your buddy, or your offspring, trust that the type of worker you’d hire is unlikely to be that person’s cup of tea. Assumptions make an ASS out of U and ME, and even if you hire someone who you consider to be the pinnacle of stereotypical mainstream attractiveness, the chances that your son will feel similarly are slim. It’s potentially also deeply unfair to the provider, especially if they aren’t fully aware of what they are stepping into.
So, what can you do?
Read the room. If your son has indeed broached the subject of hiring a pro with you, make sure he’s as informed as possible about both the benefits and risks involved. Discuss the legitimacy of the labor, realistic vs unrealistic expectations, best practices when booking, legality, and how to keep himself safer. Turning him on to Tryst’s Good Client Guide is an excellent first start for resources and recommendations! Let him know that you support his decision either way, and that you’ll be available moving forward should he have any other questions or concerns. Then, dear Dad, turn your attention back to your own life.
Are you a sex worker or client with tips or experiences to share? We'd love to hear from you!
The Good Client Guide destigmatizes sex work while providing guidance on how to be a better client and ally. Better experiences for workers mean better experiences for clients! To make this happen, we’re welcoming submissions from both providers and their customers.
