Over time, kinky vocabulary has filtered into the mainstream lexicon. There was a time when BDSM was a niche term, but it’s now something even the most vanilla adults will know about! However, it’s mostly the sexual, sensational aspects of kink-speak that get the most attention. Kink’s vocabulary around consent, respect, and safety hasn’t become so mainstream.
As a result, some people believe kink is all unrestrained, unnegotiated, violence. This miseducation can lead to people practicing kink without properly researching the principles of consent and respect that underpin BDSM practice. So, whether you’re vanilla and curious, a tentative kinky newbie, or looking for a refresher, it’s time to get to know some crucial kinky words!
Let’s start with ‘RACK’. To get there, we first have to explore the acronym SSC. Since the 1980s, kinksters have adopted the term “Safe, Sane, and Consensual”, which is defined as all BDSM activities are safe, everyone doing them is of sound mind, and everyone involved consents. The main idea behind SSC is not only to distinguish BDSM from abuse, but also to proactively mitigate potential harms, by centering safety, self awareness and consent within kinky spaces and in kinky activities.
It’s mostly the sexual, sensational aspects of kink-speak that get the most attention. Kink’s vocabulary around consent, respect, and safety hasn’t become so mainstream.
SSC makes sense in theory, but in practice, it might be a little harder to apply. A scenario I’ve often encountered as a pro-Domme – a client who’s always secretly dreamed of being dominated plucks up the courage to see their perfect kink provider. Finally at the feet of their Dom, they feel such an intense rush of nerves, desire, excitement, and fear, that they blurt out, "You can do anything you want to me!" In their fantasy, this means the Dom will completely take control of them, exactly as they need to.
This is a difficult ask using the principles of SSC on its own. The client certainly feels like they’ve consented in sound mind, but without knowing a person’s history, potential triggers and limits, it’s near impossible to know which activities will feel safe for the client. A Dom using SSC in this scenario might feel that if the client is open to anything, spanking is a perfectly safe starter activity. After all, even mainstream, high street chains sell paddles now, so the client may be familiar with it. Yet a few minutes in, the client might ask to stop using their safeword, as spanking hurts their knees, groin, and skin in a way that doesn’t feel safe at all. As a pro-Domme, I rarely use only SSC for the same reason most kinky providers don’t: an activity that’s safe for one person may be completely unsafe for the other.
Enter, RACK. This is the word most of the kinky providers I know use on top of SSC. RACK stands for “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”. Consent, and unsurprisingly, kink, are still the mainstays of RACK, just as in SSC. Yet RACK goes a little further to place the responsibility for safety on the individual kinkster, rather than any one kinky activity. Everyone is responsible for risk-assessing the kink they want to play with, preparing for it, and communicating about it accordingly. It’s this risk awareness that allows for better consent. No one can assume that even a “safe” activity is safe; discussing even “low risk” activities means everyone, including your Dom, can truly consent to them.
RACK goes a little further to place the responsibility for safety on the individual kinkster, rather than any one kinky activity.
Getting back to our hypothetical client, when they say, “you can do anything you want to me!”, RACK is the perfect way to open up a conversation about what exactly that is. Does the client want to be restrained? In that case, they need to communicate if they have poor blood circulation and the Dom needs to keep an eye out for changes in colour to restrained limbs. Does the client want to be pegged? They need to think about their previous experience with anal training and assess if they’re ready for any potential discomfort; the Dom needs to check in with them regularly while pegging, based on what the client’s said.
Now both the client and provider have had a safer, consensual, and satisfying play. Clients at all levels of experience can feel safer with their provider, knowing that hiring BDSM services isn’t just about pain for pain's sake, but careful consideration of what feels truly good. In this way, while RACK is primarily about safely and consensually playing with kink, it’s also a wonderful way to explore kink. Using RACK gives clients a way to delve deeper into their desires, and what they might look like to come true.
From a provider’s point of view, RACK is also useful because it allows kinky providers a simple way to encourage clients to take charge of their own fantasies and desires before sharing them. Clients can become responsible for their own actions and desires, whether they’re being dominant or submissive. I’ve found that clients who take responsibility and ownership for their deep desires, and what they want from a relationship with a provider, are truly a delight to work with.
Using RACK gives clients a way to delve deeper into their desires, and what they might look like to come true.
Besides, RACK can be fun! I know some kinky providers take great pleasure in discussing consent with clients just before playing! Often, I sit in a large leather armchair that just commands presence, while my client sits opposite on a sofa that’s set just a little lower. Time before kinky play isn’t yet switched “on” and in kinky mode, but I know both my client and I find it fun and seductive and even reassuring, to share our desires with a little hint at the power play that’s to come. Some kinky providers might find that RACK allows for a little verbal foreplay, even if it’s subtle or light-hearted.
RACK isn’t the only way to negotiate consent in BDSM, but for kinky providers it can certainly be one of the most straightforward. If you’re considering seeing a kinky provider who uses RACK principles, you know they’re thinking about safety and consent – and those are words we can all get behind.
Are you a sex worker or client with tips or experiences to share? We'd love to hear from you!
The Good Client Guide destigmatizes sex work while providing guidance on how to be a better client and ally. Better experiences for workers mean better experiences for clients! To make this happen, we’re welcoming submissions from both providers and their customers.
