Perhaps you’ve seen providers throw around the term timewaster.

What exactly does it mean, and how can you avoid being branded as a timewaster? How can you respect providers’ time, and be a better client as a result?

What is a timewaster, anyway?

The definition isn’t actually so self-evident. It’s someone who wastes time. Ok, but what does that mean, in practice? 

A good working definition: A timewaster is someone who doesn’t intend to pay a sex worker what they are owed for their time.

To avoid being a timewaster, then, is to show that you value providers’ time. 

This article is ostensibly about how to not be a timewaster but, really, it’s about how to communicate respectfully with sex workers: whether you have yet to meet a given sex worker, or if you have met them 1,000 times. Sometimes, even our longtime clients can slip into bad habits and timewaster behavior.

Respect the provider’s communication preferences

To avoid wasting time, contact providers how they wish to be contacted. Providers’ ads will usually state their communication preferences, and how much notice they need for appointments.

If they have a booking form on their website, that is usually the best way to contact them for your first date. The booking form is your best friend. It’s designed to force you to give all necessary info for a booking and filter out people who are wishy-washy or on the fence, therefore minimizing time-wasting behavior. 

If you wish to email or text a provider instead, make sure you include all information they ask for. Content-free messages like “hi” are never appropriate. 

If a provider has a phone number on their ad: do they take phone calls, texts or both? Sometimes providers will, for example, instruct you to text for a short notice appointment. Heed such advice, as it helps to get you the appointment you want. When you go rogue in the way you contact a provider, you are simply being a nuisance (AKA a timewaster) and the provider may never even see your message. 

No, you shouldn’t book a provider by messaging them on OnlyFans. No, you shouldn’t book a provider by messaging them on Instagram. No, you shouldn’t book a provider by messaging them or replying to them on Twitter. 

Providers have taken the time to set up private channels, such as booking forms and encrypted email addresses, for privately and efficiently arranging bookings. Use them.

Be an informed client

Before you reach out to a provider, understand what category of companionship they provide, when, and where. Good clients eagerly research the providers they are interested in, and approach us having done their homework.

Most key information is on our ads; if we have a website, more information will be there. The point here is to not waste time by asking a provider questions answered on their ad or website, or barking up the wrong tree by trying to book a provider who is not in your area, because you didn’t do your research.

Providers may tour, or put up ads in various places to advertise that they are open to coming to that area for a fly-me-to-you (FMTY). They may be available only on certain dates. So before you contact them, know where they are based and their work/tour schedule.

If a provider is not based in your area, it’s timewaster behavior to ask if they are ever going to tour your area. Good clients simply book a FMTY, or enjoy the provider’s virtual offerings, and tip/gift them to show you are a fan.

What days do they work? What are their rates? What is their general availability? Do they require prebookings? Are you booking with the recommended amount of notice? Do they require deposits? Do they offer incall, outcall or both? 

These are all questions you should know the answers to, before you contact them. Asking questions like “rates?” or “incall?” are classic timewaster questions; good clients, in contrast, will find that info upfront, and book accordingly.

“So, Shae,” you may be wondering. “Can I ever ask a provider a question before completing the booking request? What if I have a burning question?” Well, I can’t stop you from doing that. But before you do so, read a provider’s ad and website thoroughly to make absolutely, 100% sure it’s not answered there. 

Limit your questions to those that are polite, non-explicit, and aren’t too personal or invasive. And, ideally, tip them for their time spent answering your questions. Trust the process: respect that they are great at what they do, and that your question will be answered in due time as you proceed with your booking.

For example, a provider may give only vague information on their incall location to non-verified people. This is a safety measure. They will give you directions to their location when it is appropriate.

Contact a provider only when you are ready to book

If you’re on the fence about a provider, you are unsure of whether they are a good fit, or if you’re not sure you have the courage to follow through with the booking for any reason – stay silent. Good clients are goal-oriented and efficient communicators. They learn about me as a provider, decide they want to meet me, then efficiently complete the steps to make that happen.

If you absolutely must interact with a provider before you are comfortable enough to book them, look for avenues you can do that, while compensating them for their time. For example, some providers offer virtual dates, texting packages, Virtual GFE packages, chatting on OnlyFans, or the like. Tipping a provider upfront using their wishlist, Venmo or Cashapp is always an excellent idea, as it shows you value their time. 

Know your schedule

Good clients know their schedules and the window of time they wish to book us. 

If you’re unsure of your schedule, you’re not ready to book. Pick a time and date that would work for you – there is a reason our booking forms prompt you for this information – and if that doesn’t work for us, we will ask you for a time and date that does. Simple.

Contact one provider at a time 

It’s so tempting to message a bunch of providers at once to see who responds first, right? The first provider to respond must really want your booking! Wrong. You are wasting time.

Good clients book one provider at a time, and book them the way they wish to be booked. 

Verify and pay your deposit promptly

Good clients are prepared to verify their identity, often do so in their very first message to us, and they promptly pay a deposit as the appointment details are confirmed. Setting up the appointment is swift and painless for all parties; after all, they’ve done their research in advance, understand what is required to set up the appointment, and know what they want. It’s simply a question of mutually agreeing on the details.

Make your messages – all of them – worthy of a response

Send high quality messages, have high quality interactions, have a high quality experience. Ta-daaaa! 

The best clients, whether they have met me zero times or 500 times, send high quality messages. When they contact me, they answer these questions, every single time:

When do you want to book?

Where do you want to meet?

And for how long?

And on that note…

Limit chit-chat outside of bookings

Chatting with providers is awesome. We are fascinating people, and professional conversationalists. You probably have many things you want to ask us, and things to discuss; life, the universe, and everything. Before a booking, you are flush with anticipation, and wish to tell us. And after the booking, you want to keep the conversation going! I get it, I really do. 

But that time isn’t contracted for. Chat all you want: after you have arranged such a thing. 

Book a provider and chat during the booking, or contract them for their time: discuss an arrangement that includes texting/phone calls, buy a texting or virtual GFE package, or message them on paid channels designed for that purpose.

Be on time for your booking, and respect that when the booking is over, it’s over

You’ll notice that thus far, this article has been about all the things that happen outside the physical time you spend together. Communication before the date is the key area where good clients show that they respect a provider’s time. 

Once you meet the provider and hand over the envelope – well, after that, if you wish to waste time, it’s your time you are wasting. If you wish to spend a half-hour of an hour-long booking showering, that is your prerogative. If you wish to spend your entire booking watching Spongebob, that is also your prerogative. 

Good clients know that the booking will start and end on time, regardless of how you spend your time together. 

Good clients are punctual and communicate promptly and clearly when they will be late or need to cancel. They leave the booking on time, without dawdling, unless they have arranged to extend the booking. Good clients also book sufficient time, so the appointment doesn’t feel rushed!

When in doubt, tip

Did you make a misstep while booking with your chosen provider? Tip.

Did you make them answer questions that are answered on their ad or website? Tip.

Did you start booking with a provider, but then ghosted them because you got cold feet, were abducted by aliens, or got distracted by building a koi pond in your backyard? Tip.

Did you have a fabulously seamless experience with a provider? Tip.

I advocate tipping early and often. Tipping helps obviate a whole slew of faux pas, and if you’re already golden, it will make us adore you even more. Tipping is never a bad idea. Timewasters rarely tip.

A typical provider will have a wishlist, and may also post their payment handles and other methods for tipping them. Find that info, and send the tip.

The cheat code to not being a timewaster, revealed here for the first time ever in history!

Ok, you’ve made it to the end of the article. As a reward to you, I will be revealing the deep dark secret that sex workers have been keeping from you all this time.

Are you ready for it?

Are you really ready for this information that will change your entire life?

Ok, here it is:

We really want one thing from you, which is for you to honor our time. And the way to do this is:

Do your research on a provider before you contact them. Decide when you want to see them, where, and for how long, and give them that information via whatever communication method they prefer, usually website booking form, email, or text. Follow all their instructions. Answer any follow-up questions they have. Confirm the details. And then enjoy your booking. Contact them again with your desired booking info when you want to book again. And again!

And that’s it. You will never be a time waster if you do this.

Are you a sex worker or client with tips or experiences to share? We'd love to hear from you!

The Good Client Guide destigmatizes sex work while providing guidance on how to be a better client and ally. Better experiences for workers mean better experiences for clients! To make this happen, we’re welcoming submissions from both providers and their customers.

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