Address me correctly
On previous occasions I've mentioned that the first step to be a good sub is knowing how to greet a Dom/me. This immediately lets us know if you're respectful and if you did your research before messaging us. This is important because even if many of us are willing to help you learn more or train you in the context of a session, there are things you should investigate before talking to a Dom/me to book a session – unless you're booking a BDSM introduction class, which is a service that I offer, but it's very different than a full session. Addressing me correctly is essential. I'm not your buddy so I don't wanna be treated as such. We can get along more closely with time and trust, but treating me without the proper respect is not gonna take you anywhere with me. Even if I'm not your Dom/me or Mistress yet, and I won't order you around, I will consider you more for a session if you address me correctly.
Be clear and honest
I want to know what you like, what you dislike, if you have any experience or not, what are you specifically looking for in a session, how you like to be treated, including things you're not sure about it, but want to explore. Do you have any health issues? What are your boundaries? Is any possible humiliation theme suitable for you? I want and need to know these and other things before doing a session and I need the sub to be honest about it so we can create a dynamic that is fun and comfortable for both of us. I also need to know if our boundaries and favorite practices are compatible. Don't feel afraid to be honest about kinks, health issues or anything, as long as my boundaries are respected I'm not gonna judge you. I've seen a lot and done a lot, so try to be as honest as possible, it's important for me and for the session.
STI safety
One of my hard boundaries in a session is no fluid contact. This is for my safety, the sub’s safety and also for the safety of my future clients, and it's not up for debate. I like when my subs are informed and on the same page about this with me. It is important because it can allow clients with chronic STIs, seropositive people, etc to session with me, without feeling the need to over explain, feel shame, or have any of us worry about transmission. Obviously different STIs can need different precautions. I try to take every necessary one and it's nice when subs do the same.
Tribute and don't bargain
I would dare to say that most sex workers have had clients or subs bargain their prices, which for me is very disrespectful, and it shows just how little they value our time and knowledge. We're not a sack of fruit at the street market you can get a deal for – and you probably don't even bargain for that, so you shouldn't do it with us. Pay the tribute and don't “negotiate” – it's more likely that you lose your chance to session than to get a “better” price. I know many of my subs save up to see me and I appreciate it because it shows their commitment and respect for my job – that they are willing to wait and save instead of asking me to lower my prices – and that makes me like them more.
Screening
I don't always demand a screening date because I know most of my clients aren't rich and paying for that and a session can be kinda hard on their pockets, but I highly prefer it in terms of safety. I always do a virtual screening and take a bit of time before starting the session to go over the details discussed, but talking in person is very different from doing it online. You can see more easily if there's Dom/me-sub chemistry and go deeper into kinks and boundaries, so ideally book a screening date!
Balanced contact
For me there's a middle ground of contact that I like to keep with my frequent subs. They will respect my personal time and not message me all day every day. I really dislike when people are too insistent with messages, but I also worry when they seem to disappear from the face of the earth. Ideally we'll keep contact from time to time, talk about future sessions, newly discovered boundaries or kinks, see how they're doing, and give each other feedback.
More effort!
This is an extra but I love it when subs want to randomly tribute or book a date just to see me and chat. I like getting along with subs in a way that there's still a bit of the D/s dynamic, but we can also talk in a more relaxed fashion if the trust has been built. Respecting me as a Dom/me without forgetting that I'm also a human is essential for a trusting D/s relationship, for me. Seeing an effort to do nice things for me is great. For example, in the past I've had subs get me something for my birthday, serve as drivers when I needed a ride, buy me vegan food or drinks, randomly tribute, buy me clothes, etc. None which were part of a paid session, just a demonstration of their devotion. This is not something I demand from subs but I really like when they do it because it shows consideration, commitment and fondness.
Are you a sex worker or client with tips or experiences to share? We'd love to hear from you!
The Good Client Guide destigmatizes sex work while providing guidance on how to be a better client and ally. Better experiences for workers mean better experiences for clients! To make this happen, we’re welcoming submissions from both providers and their customers.
