Dear Andre,
Most times I’ve hired companionship the woman asks if I have a lube preference, and yet I always err towards her favorite… because I have no idea how else to answer the question! Am I the only guy who thought there was just one kind of lubricant?! Also, are you *always* expected to use lube? What am I missing?
No need to be embarrassed, dear reader! I haven’t obtained my graduate degree in lubrication, either; although to be fair, we both know it’s only because no such thing exists (...yet!)
In my opinion, lubrication is the most tragically overlooked addition to all penetrative-based fun sexy times. Thanks to some long-departed misogynist who claimed some expertise over the female sexual response cycle, there’s a widespread myth that if your partner isn’t naturally “wet” (or rock-hard, for that matter) that they aren’t enjoying themselves. Therefore we shouldn’t ever NEED to buy lube, right?
Wrong! Bodies are terribly unpredictable due to an endless variety of reasons that may or may not include the medication we’re on, what’s happened that day, whether we’re under the influence of drugs or alcohol, etc etc. TLDR: Sometimes our physical reactions align with how we feel, and sometimes they don’t. End of story. Accept this fact, increase verbal communication in the bedroom, and grab that lube!
There are three different kinds of lubricant, excluding the kinds excreted from our own bodies, that are commonly made available for pleasurable purposes. I’ll briefly illustrate each lube’s pros and cons alongside best practices on when to use them – you’ll be a (s)expert in no time!
Oil-based Lubes, e.g. coconut or massage oil
It’s all too easy to transition from receiving a sensual massage to more explicit activities, but not so fast – if you’re planning on using a condom, you may need a quick rinse first!
Why? Because oil breaks down latex and compromises the efficacy of the condom.
Hack this issue by rinsing your junk with soap and water *before* putting the condom on and using a latex-compatible lube for penetration. You can also use non-latex condoms to avoid all the fuss, although who doesn’t love an excuse to scrub a babe’s back in the bath? It’s also a favorite for folks that want to save a little money, as a jar of coconut oil typically costs way less than that same volume of water-based or silicone lubricants.
While oil often feels “natural” and can incorporate soothing scents into your pleasure, keep in mind that it absorbs into the skin and will need to be reapplied often. Finally, if you or your provider are prone to ingrown hairs in your pubic area you may want to skip the oil, as it tends to clog pores. Oil can also wreak havok on the PH levels of genitals, which can cause problems like thrush and BV (bacterial vaginosis)!
Water-based Lubes
Water-based lubricants are likely the most commonly utilized in the bedroom. This is because they’re readily available, are typically at an affordable price point, come in flavored (a great addition to oral!), non-flavored, and organic variations, and are compatible with all sex toy and condom materials.
Like oil, water-based lube does absorb into the skin, so you’ll need to reapply it as you go (pro tip: you can also “reactivate” drying lube with water or spit – if you and your paramour are fluid-bonded, of course!) And while there are a multitude of brands you can go with, you’ll want to steer towards glycerin, paraben, and fragrance-free options – although your provider will almost certainly only have body-safe brands available.
My two favorite water-based lubricants are the many variations of Sliquid products (which include ph-balancing, moisturizing seaweed-enriched lubes, DELICIOUS flavored lubes, and an extra viscous lube called “Sassy” that’s especially great for more “extreme” penetration – anal penetration, fisting, etc.
Silicone Lubes
Silicone lubricants are by far the “slickest” option for those who want to take their lubegame to the next level. Silicone lubricant is unique in that it doesn’t absorb into your skin, so while you’ll eventually need to wash it off with soap and water you’ll also be able to use much less of it than oil or water-based products. Therefore, silicone lube tends to have the highest price point of any lube category.
Silicone lube is not only exceptional for the types of “extreme” penetration mentioned above – it can have many off-label conveniences, such as acting as a WD-40 substitute for squeaky hinges, providing a quick and easy hair shine product and polishing your domme’s favorite latex pencil skirt! Beware of mixing solid silicone (like a dildo or butt plug) with liquid silicone, however – extended contact will actually compromise the chemical composition of the solid silicone. Still want your provider to use silicone lube with your favorite silicone insertable? No fear – just put a condom on it!
Personally, I recommend the brands Uberlube and Swiss Navy, although there is way less ingredient variation among silicone lube brands than the alternatives.
At the end of the day, determining between all of these lubrication options can leave you spinning. It’s my best advice that you embrace experimenting with what works for you and your body to find your perfect fit. In the meantime, you can continue to err on the side of your provider’s preference – we’re terribly unlikely to steer you wrong!
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The Good Client Guide destigmatizes sex work while providing guidance on how to be a better client and ally. Better experiences for workers mean better experiences for clients! To make this happen, we’re welcoming submissions from both providers and their customers.
