Here’s a word of warning for you: many people see escorts, but few get it right on the first go.
In many ways, this is understandable. The sex industry often feels mysterious to outsiders - full of rules and customs that aren’t immediately obvious. If you desire intimacy and suspect an escort could be the answer, it can be difficult to find practical information on how to go about arranging the experience you hope for.
If you don’t know what you’re doing when you start out, a lot can go wrong. You might miss out on meeting someone you really like, because you didn’t send them the correct details in your email or text message. Or you may blurt out something unhelpful during your date and end up having an awkward first experience. A difficult client isn’t always invited back…so knowing your etiquette is essential.
How can you get started? Sure, you could just hope for the best…but I’m going to make things easy for you. Here’s what you need to know to ace your first date with an escort.
First, make sure you’re committed
The sex industry is rife with ‘time wasters and tyre-kickers’ - would-be clients who never follow through after contacting an escort. If you want your first attempt at booking to be successful, you’ll need to stand out as a serious customer.
Many times, I’ve replied to someone’s email or text message, answered their questions, and checked my diary to make sure I’m free on the dates they’ve mentioned. But, after sending my reply...crickets. This wasted effort is very discouraging, and makes me reluctant to engage with them if they contact me again in the future.
This is why it’s so important to be committed before you reach out to a pro. Decide who you’re interested in and when you’d like to see them. Make sure you have the funds; asking for discounts never impresses! Most importantly, don’t send that first message until you’re certain of your choice of worker, and one-hundred-percent sure that you’ll turn up on the day.
Otherwise, you risk missing out. Clients who enquire about a session and don’t follow through sometimes don’t get a second chance.
Send an excellent booking request
Communication, communication, communication. It’s the cornerstone of all relationships - even professional ones…so make sure you send a well-crafted booking request.
When you first reach out to your preferred worker it’s essential you take the time to write a clear email or text message. If you’re disorganized or hard to understand, we may assume you’re a timewaster, and never reply to you. Or we may spend a long time going back and forth trying to get the details we need; this consumes energy that is better saved for the session itself.
Here’s how to avoid this: be polite and professional. Include your name, the day and time you’d like to meet, your mobile phone number and whether you’re hoping for an incall or outcall. Don’t be explicit or specifically mention sex, if you’re in a place where hands-on sex work is criminalised. By giving the worker all the information they need, you’ll make a great impression and become someone they look forward to meeting in person.
Follow your worker's screening procedures
Once an escort has accepted your booking request, the job is only half done. Next, you’ll need to go through a screening process.
Why screen? Well, our safety is our number one priority - and that means we need to confirm your identity and take any steps we feel are necessary to make sure you’re safe and reliable. If you’re giving off bad vibes or refusing to follow our booking instructions, we will refuse to see you.
Every escort has different requirements, but some common requests include your mobile number, your work phone number, an image of your driver's license or passport, a referral from a worker you’re seen in the past and a deposit (prepayment of part of your booking fee). To secure your booking, you’ll need to comply promptly.
There’s no room for negotiation here. If there’s something you can’t provide or don’t feel comfortable disclosing, you’ll need to see a different worker who doesn’t request those items. Remember, we want to safeguard your privacy too, as repeat customers are our livelihood. We will keep your personal information confidential, so long as you treat us respectfully.
Attend to your personal hygiene and appearance
Now it’s time to meet your escort in person! After all this preparation and build-up, make sure you’re dressed for success.
It might sound kind of obvious, but good sex is all about getting close to someone, and your escort isn’t going to want to get close to you if you smell or taste bad. Turning up in clothes that smell of cigarette smoke or having an end-of-the-day body odor problem will usually result in a poor service from your worker.
So make sure you’ve washed with soap thoroughly before your session - paying particular attention to your armpits, butt crack, and under your foreskin (if you have one). Use deodorant, give yourself a fresh shave or a beard manicure, and trim your fingernails. It’s also worthwhile putting together a ‘first date’ outfit - imagine you’re going on a regular date with someone you want to impress, and dress accordingly. Making an effort with your hygiene and appearance shows that you respect your worker.
Arrive on time
Our next etiquette tip is all about timing: I recommend that you arrive exactly at the agreed time. Not early, and not late.
If you run late for your session, your escort may become anxious that you’re not going to show up, and that means you’ll start your date off on the wrong foot. You’ll also lose precious minutes from your booking - if your worker has other customers afterwards, they may not be able to give you extra time to make up for your lateness.
Arriving early is a problem too. Your escort may be getting ready, or might still be with another client! And loitering in the street or the hotel lobby isn’t discreet. So figure out exactly how long it’s going to take to get where you need to be, then leave a little earlier…but wait in your car, around the block or in a nearby cafe, so you can arrive exactly on time.
Pay immediately, and do it the right way
‘Payment up front’ is the golden rule of sex work. But what does this mean, when it comes to your first encounter with an escort?
It’s true that nothing sexy can happen until your escort has collected the fee and checked it to make sure it’s correct. So this is the very first thing you need to take care of on arrival (or perhaps the second, right after saying ‘hi’). If you don’t do this right away, you’ll start to make your escort anxious, as they try to figure out how to get you to pay without being impolite.
How you take care of this will depend on your location. In places where sex work is allowed - such as my hometown of Melbourne, Australia - that means handing over the money to your escort right away, preferably in an envelope. In places where sex work is criminalised, you may have to use the discreet approach - placing the payment somewhere obvious, such as a table, and excusing yourself to the bathroom so your escort can collect and count it.
Once the payment stuff is taken care of, you’ll both be able to relax and get down to enjoying your time together.
Let your escort set the pace
A lot of clients assume that a good sex work session is about packing as much ‘action’ in as possible - but a wise client knows to go with the flow.
It might be tempting to try and get sexy right away, or avoid cumming for as long as possible…or you might have a laundry list of positions you’d like to try. But sex doesn’t work like that. We all need to warm up, figure out what we want to do together, and pace ourselves so we don’t end up exhausted. Your escort knows this, and will guide you from one activity to the next.
Once you arrive and have paid your fee, take a deep breath and relax. Ask us how we’re doing, or how our week is going so far. If you have time, share a cup of tea or a glass of wine and take the time to connect. And let your escort initiate the sexy stuff! This especially applies if you’re in a place such as the USA where sex work is criminalized - your escort will need things to happen at a pace where they feel safe. Once you’re getting intimate, don’t rush it - take the time to figure out what feels right and check in with your worker to make sure they’re enjoying themselves too.
This doesn’t mean you can’t ask for what you want…but stay focused on what feels good in the moment. If you’re continually referring back to a mental ‘bucket list’ or feeling anxious about whether you’re getting your money’s worth, you won’t be able to enjoy yourself.
Always respect a 'no'
If your escort says no to anything, you must respect their wishes.
‘The customer is always right’ doesn’t apply here - consensual sex is about two people figuring out what they want to do together. And just like you, your escort will have things they do and don’t enjoy in the bedroom. If you don’t respect their wishes, your booking will end badly. In the best-case scenario, you’ll be asked to leave. In the worst case, you could be charged with sexual assault.
If your worker says ‘stop’, you must stop. If you hear a ‘no’, say ‘thanks for letting me know’ and suggest another activity. Also respect a ‘slow down’ or a ‘be gentle’. It’s not just about stopping when requested, it’s about making sure your escort feels comfortable.
Of course, you have the same rights too. You can take a break or stop if something doesn’t feel right, and ask your escort to avoid any activities you don’t enjoy. Don’t be afraid to let us know - it’s our job to make sure you feel safe, just as it’s your job to respect our boundaries.
When your time's up, your time's up
Continuing on from tip number five, here’s something to think about as your session draws to a close: it’s important to be prepared to leave exactly on time.
As sex professionals, our time is valuable. We might have other bookings after yours and can’t afford to run late. Like I mentioned earlier, some clients are determined to wring the absolute most ‘action’ from their sessions, and will insist on sex right up until the final bell. But this is very disrespectful of your escort and their time. It can take 10-15 minutes to wind down and get ready to leave, and you need to allow for that during your booking time…or you might not be invited back.
When your escort tells you your time is nearly up, it means you’ll need to stop the sexy stuff, perhaps take a shower, and gather your things in preparation to leave. Don’t spend ages in the shower or linger at the door chatting! Overstaying your welcome could make your worker much less enthusiastic about seeing you again.
Knowing the etiquette will make you a great first-time client.
Now that you know the etiquette essentials, you’ll be able to sail through your first escort booking with style and class, making the whole experience fun and relaxing for both yourself and your worker. By ticking all these boxes, you can prove you’re a great client and get down to the real business: having an amazing time together.
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The Satisfaction Project is Georgie Wolf's comprehensive guide to sex workers, for clients just like you. Get the know-how for life-changing encounters with escorts and other independent, hands-on providers.